Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Off to War
We left before I had time.
Before I had time to
hug you goodbye,
read you a book,
and tuck you in
at night.
Before I had time to
play on the swings,
have a tea party,
or teach you to
throw a ball.
Before I had time to
see you grow up,
learn to walk,
and have a
first birthday.
Before I had time to
feed you your meals,
comb your hair,
and buy you
new clothes...
We left before I had time
to tell you
important things
like
"I love you."
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4 comments:
nice piece
i don't know why, but i feel like the ending was sort of abrupt; i would have liked more stanzas. but the way it is right now is also very good.
yeah, I know what you mean by abrupt but I couldn't really think of another way of ending it. If I think of a way, I'll correct it. Thanks for your help.
Rachel is right- maybe you could add some different "important things to say", things that parents tell their children (eat your veggies? stick together?) and then have "I love you" be the end.
This is a simple, sad, and yet really nice piece.
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