Monday, July 23, 2007


An icy blue pool of depths unknown

An old creaky wooden dock

With boats awaiting you

To take them somewhere

They’d never been before

A cool breeze

Wrapping you up

And taking you away

Delivering you to a place

Unreachable from anywhere else

The small narrow street

That you walk down

It’s like walking back in time

Back to when

You came here as a child

And felt the same breeze as you walked

To the deserted beach

Where you then fell silently

To the depths of the ocean


Maria said...

Good descriptions!
When you say,
"Where you then fell silently
To the depths of the ocean"
do you mean this person is a dead person walking?

Gina said...

Good edits, but it still comes off sounding like the person is drowning. :D Maybe change it to "To the deserted beach/Where you fell silently/Into the depths of the ocean". But the whole "deserted beach" thing is a little spooky. Just rethink your word choice a little bit and you'll be fine. :)

Gina said...

Title, hmm... *scratches head thoughtfully* Breeze? Silence? The Deserted Beach? The Ocean Awaits?

I dunno... take one of your favorite lines from the poem, maybe? That usually works.