Thursday, July 19, 2007

Peace Love and Anarchy

Peace love and Anarchy
The basics of my life

Before it all happened
There was peace in my house
We would go to family parties
He would take me to the park
He would buy me anything I wanted
He was an 8 year olds dream come true

When Dad died, Mom met Daniel
I thought it was a perfect match
He was so nice to me
We were very close

Daniel used to take me everywhere with him
I sometimes thought he liked me more than Mom
Daniel was a handsome man
I loved Daniel
Maybe he was even better than Daddy
I miss my Daddy, but Daniel took his place
My family was complete again
We all loved each other

Mommy and Daniel were fighting a lot
Daniel would take me away
Daniel would come home drunk and Mommy didn’t like it

One day Daniel came home stumbling
He grabbed me and out lined my body with his finger
I looked at him wide eyed
I didn’t like this
He touched me in a way Daddy's shouldn’t
I didn’t like Daniel anymore
He told me that this is how people who love each other act
He told me not to tell mommy or else she would be mad at me
Well I did love him and I obeyed

4 years later, when I was 12
This “Love” Daniel and I had continued
I began to cut
It helped relieve some pain
Almost every night, like clock work
Daniel would stumble into my room and the horror would begin
I was scared of him
But he was my Daddy; I did what he told me too
Mommy never caught on
She was suspicious but she was never home
She worked all the time
So I was left with Daniel

As I grew stronger, he grew more violent
Daniel was no longer a little girls dream
He was no longer my daddy or my dad
He was just Daniel, the step dad

One night he told me that he loved me
He asked if I loved him too
That was normal for him to ask
Well as normal as you can get in this situation
But this time I said no
He looked at me with so much hate it burned a whole in my eyes
He smacked me across the face and threw me
He yelled and said never to say “No” again

Days grew longer and the pain started to numb
I moped around all day
No one to understand my pain
I mean how could they?
I couldn’t tell on him
He would surely hurt me or mom
I have to protect mom
This was her perfect man
She would be mad to know he had a flaw

The cuts on my arms and legs got deeper
I couldn’t take it anymore
I need to run away

I decided to run
One night as I hoped out my window
It was 2 in the morning
Daniel had already came into my room to show me how much he loved me

As I walked down the long side walk
My foot steps echoing through out the silent night
I could see head lights in the distance
I red ford pick up truck was following me
I felt my heart beat faster and faster
I knew who’s truck that was
It was the man who “loved me”

I ran faster

That didn’t seem to work since I was on foot and he was in a car
He stopped next to me and opened the door
He gave me that crooked smile that gave me goose bumps
How I hated him
I slowly got into the car and shut the door

We didn’t talk the whole ride
When we got back, mom’s car wasn’t there
He told me she was working late
He came into my room and saw I was gone

How I wanted to die

Everyday I felt worse inside
How could there be a God when this was happening
I lost faith

I started to try new things
Burning and Cutting
The Burning pain lasted more than Cutting
I always had a razor or lighter with me


Today was my 16th birthday
Everyone was trying to make me happy
How could I be happy when I knew what I was going home to?

When I got home, there was no one there
I felt relieved
I ran upstairs and locked my door
I found my lighted and started to burn a fresh cut on my thigh

Just then I heard the front door open
It was non other than Daniel
He told me mom would be working tonight
He left me again for a half hour to go pick up some alcohol
I knew what would happen tonight, I wouldn’t let it!
I’m sick of it
I knew the only way out

I sat at my computer and spilled my guts
I wrote about what happened and how it began
It was my last letter I would ever write
I printed it and laid it on my night stand

I sat on my bed and cut deeper than I ever have before
I sliced my major veins
Everything was getting darker
It was getting hard to see
I noticed a pool of red around me
I smiled
Finally it was almost over


Maria said...

Okay now thatwas creepy! You really made me hate Daniel.

Anonymous said...

That was well written but i was kinda of freaked out about it. I do hate Daniel. I like that you were desriptive about certain things and your feelings. It made me, the reader, really understand what you were going through and i felt connected somehow to the piece...if that makes any sense.

The It Blog said...

i hope that isnt true [: but you described it really well