Sunday, August 31, 2008


I lay here
A broken body full of pain
Because of you my heart was renched apart
Why did you have to leave me
I know you probably had no choice
But everyone has a choice
You could have stayed
Put up with me for just a little longer
So as not to tear me in half
But no you had to go
You didn't even tell me why you left
You just said goodbye and walked away
You probably fell for another girl
One prettier and less obnoxious as me
So you left me lying here
A broken body full of pain

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Locked Up

If only you knew
The feelings I have for you
Then maybe you could tell me
That you love me too
Yet I shy away from all my feelings
And keep them locked up in a safe
I throw away the key
In a place where no one can find it
Not even me
Yet when I see you
These feelings come surfacing back
And it's hard to keep them buried deep
I want to say how much I care
Yet I'm to afraid to be rejected
Because then I'd feel so insecure
But oh, how these feelings rule my heart
And I can't decide what to do
I know so much yet so little about you
But I know enough that I want you to be mine
So I wait and wait for you to say something first
Yet you don't
I guess I'll just have to keep waiting

My Love For You

Droplets of rain falling down
Mixing with my tears
Tears caused by you
You left though I know you had no choice
You walked out of my life
Yet you're still in my heart
The image of you
Keeps fading
The only way to sharpen it
Is to see you again
That won't happen for a while
That I am sure of
What I am not sure of
Is what I am feeling
I'm not sure if I am sad or happy
Sad because my time with you has come to an end
Or happy because I will see you again
Even if it won't be for a while
These feelings tumble around inside me
Fighting for space
Which one will win
I am not sure
Whichever one wins though
Won't totally rule my heart
Because there is an even bigger feeling
Rooted deep down in my heart
It won't move over for anything
This feeling will rule my heart for as long as I stand before you
And that feeling
Is love


You left me standing in the rain
A broken heart full of pain
I wondered if you'd ever come back
Or if my waiting was for nothing
My hopes and dreams were shattered that day
My hopes for the future and my dreams for today
Your dazzeling smile stabed right at my soul
And your brilliant blue eyes seemed brighter than gold
My heart was filled to burst
So you'd be able to do your worst
By leaving me you cut me open
A cut that left me sad and broken
Until you come back I can not heal
I'll be at a place where theres nothing I can't feel
I'll feel sadness and pain
And sorrow and hurt
But the biggest thing I'll feel
Is my love for you
That feeling will leave me dead and crippled
Until you come back to put me back together
It might take days or it might take years
But I'll wait for you
That's all a broken heart can do

Do You Need Me

I see him standing there
The handsome prince in my dreams
Yet he's not a prince at all
Just a normal person
Who walked into my life
But to me he's more than that
He's more than the deep blue pools
That are his eyes
More than his ruffled hair
And brilliant smile
That makes the sun look like it's just
A faint glowing sphere
He is a part of me
Something that I can't live without
Like a vital organ
That can keep me alive
Without him I am nothing
Just a lone shadow
Following the path of life
Yet I don't know if he needs me
Or if I'm just a nuisence
Who gets in the way
I don't know what to think
I know what I want to think
But it might not be true
So why should I keep hoping
I keep hoping because hope is a light in the darkness
And it keeps away the fear
That threatens to overwhlelm me
When all hope is lost
So I need you desperatly as you can see
But the question is
Do you need me

Thursday, August 28, 2008


As you walked out the door,
you took a piece of me.
Under your blue eyes
I'm disappearing.

And I'm slowly fading away.
Trying just to stay
a moment longer.
All I need
Is you next to me again.

And you're not trying
to hold onto me,
just a little bit longer.
And I'm dying inside.
I can't see you

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Too Late

The innocence was there
in your eyes.
The mask you wore
was one of maturity,
of wisdom and experience.
That wasn't you.

And your hands,
bronze from the setting sun.
They slid down the warm hood
of the car you sat upon.
You tried so hard to relax.
But you feared the future,
as did I.

I found your hands
reach for mine.
And the comfort
from your warm brown eyes.
I was safe with you
underneath the melting sky.

And the willow above us
outstretched its arms,
and cradled us
as she began to weep.
For time was running out,
and we were long past gone.

Friday, August 22, 2008

You Left Me

You left that morning,
your soft steps
echoing through the house.

As you pulled your jacket on,
you tried to stop
the rough fabric from waking us.

Behind the wall
I was there.
But you didn't see me
like I saw you.

You didn't know I was there,
watching you as you
away from us.

I knew it would happen,
I could have stopped you.
But you were happy,
for once, you were happy
I could tell.

Halfway up the hill,
you smiled
as you looked back at our house.
I couldn't stop you
if you needed to go.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Summer Memories

Why did you have to walk into my life
That eventful summer day
You with your perfect smile
That twinkle in your eyes
Why did you have to tease me
In that annoying but lovely way
Your perfect laugh would hang in the air
Or was it just my imagination
Everyone seemed to notice
That something was up between us
Something like true love
Or at least I wanted to believe
If you never walked into my life
Iwouldn't have fallen madly in love
And maybe today I wouldn't still be in love with a guy
With a perfect laugh
Twinkling eyes
And a smile that would send shivers down my spine
Whenever I laid eyes on it

A Whole Year Away

Those days with you are always the best of days

Days when I can forget my troubles, if only for a while

Those days with you are filled with love and laughter

And tennis, don't forget tennis

We meet at the courts at nine AM

And have the time of our lives

Teasing each other in a friendly way

But never wanting to admit to the other

The fellings that we share

But alas it can not last

For you live a whole world away

So one week with you is all I have

Until the lazy days of summer come back

A whole year away

Tuesday, August 19, 2008


You said
'There's a path you need to choose.
One way or another,
you'll make it through.
But don't forget
I'm here if you need me.

'And the path your on
may throw you off course.
But I need you to hold on tight.
So just put up a fight,
just like I taught you to.'

And I agreed but so solemnly.
I knew I was different than I used to be.
But I knew the words were true,
And I believed in you.

But then I came to a crossroad
so where could I go?
My heart said yes
but my head said no.
So what could I do?
I looked for you.

Saturday, August 16, 2008


You still linger in my dreams.
I am waiting for you
to come back to me.

I believed in you.
I had faith in you.
Until this day
I was right by your side,

But now I am alone.
Alone in this world
trying to find you.
You left me here.

Now I wait.
I wait until I need you
to help me,
to carry me back home,
back to where it all began.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Now or Never

So you try to tell me
things are going to change.
But do you mean it?

Can you really say
I'm going to stay the same?
I can't wait for you

It's not as if
you left me
and took my heart with you.
It's not as if
I can love you
after all you've put me through.

So how can you say
you'll always love me?
And we'll always have a chance?
I keep asking myself
if it's right
to leave while I can.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Henry's Batman

Chapter 4: Killing in Gotham City

Tuesday was uneventful. Wake up, listen to Tony and Leslie fight, go to class, see Natalie, go home, eat, and read Batman. And that was about it. Then Wednesday came and I had to tutor Kevin again. I didn’t really want to see Kevin, the boy in the Batman costume, and try to suppress the pity I felt for him. I was jealous of him for being able to show how much he loved Batman where as I always felt I had to hide it.
I was sitting in English and Mrs. Cobalt had just asked the class if anyone knew anything about The Odyssey. I personally had read it when I was in fifth grade because I had been interested in Greek mythology, it wasn’t a bad book. Mrs. Cobalt waited, she was getting anxious.
“Anyone? Anyone know anything at all?” She was asking. I raised my hand slowly. She looked at me, almost in disbelief. “You better not be asking to go to the bathroom.” She said when she called on me.
“Umm… no… The Odyssey is about an epic battle where Odysseus, the main character, is lost at sea and trying to get home but he keeps running into all these obstacles, and then when he finally gets home he has to fight off all these suitors who want to marry his wife, and wins.” I said slowly but surely. Mrs. Cobalt just stared at me in disbelief for a few seconds, amazed that I’d answered the question correctly.
“That’s exactly right Henry. Yes Odysseus is fighting to get home after the Trojan War, and then has to fight off a group of men who want to marry his wife, with the help of his son.” She says summarizing what I had just said. The bell rang then and everyone got up to leave and started filing out the door.
“Good job today Henry.” Mrs. Cobalt said as she walked by my desk as I packed up. I don’t answer just finish packing up and got out of the class as quickly as possible. I didn’t see Natalie in the hallway outside of her room and that depressed me. I liked seeing her during the day, she was always bright and happy and surrounded by a bunch of friends not noticing me. I wished for once she would notice me, or say hi to me, or just look in my direction, but she never did.
I thought about how well I’d done in Mrs. Cobalt’s class today and how she’d complimented me. “Maybe she didn’t hate me, maybe she’d just giving up on me. I knew I was smart, I always had been. Just a lot of the time I just didn’t care enough to do the work. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life which made me care about school even less. Who knew, maybe this whole tutoring thing would help me.” But then I stopped and wanted to kick myself. “What was I thinking?! I was acting like a suck up little girl. Tutoring some annoying little kid wasn’t changing me at all apart from maybe making me more of a baby.”
By the end of the day I was worn out. I hadn’t seen Natalie all day, she hadn’t been in any of her classes, and I had to keep trying to work hard and pay attention in all of my classes. And now I had to go be a teacher, the last thing I wanted to be, for a nine-year-old kid who probably didn’t even care if I helped him in school or not. I went home quickly with Tony and Leslie just to drop off my books, get my bike, and say hi to my mother and then left trying not to be too early to the tutoring session. I peddled up to the brick library about five minutes early like I had the Sunday before. I got off my bike and chained it up to the bike rack, feeling the rapidity of it. And then I walked sluggishly into the air conditioned, quieter than real life lobby of the library. I walked in past the shelves of children’s books and over to the table where I’d sat the time before. To my surprise Kevin was already sitting at the table, this time with out the Batman costume. He was dressed similarly to me, worn out sneakers, blue jeans, and a Batman tee shirt. I envied the tee shirt too and wanted one like it.
“Why are you here so early?” I asked protectively of the little boy.
“My dad said that he wouldn’t drive me. So I had to walk here from school.” The kid seemed so tiny, and he must have been small for his age, but at that point there was something about him that seemed extra small, maybe just in the way he had said the statement. The school was about ¾ of a mile away and it must have been a long walk for him. I couldn’t believe the boy’s menace of a father wouldn’t even drive his own son to a tutoring session so he could learn!
“Oh.” I replied trying not to let on that I cared. “Well we should get started. You remember where we left off last week, right?”
“Yah, they went to that old ladies house that they thought was the witch and she talked about the melancholy.” And his face seemed to lighten up a bit. And I was surprised that de didn’t even persist about not wanting to work. Maybe I really had gotten to him last time about working and how Batman would do it too if he had to.
“Right, so why don’t we start from there and maybe you could do some of the worksheets today.” I placed the book open in front of him and had him read it out loud to me again. And again he read it very well. I stopped him about 30 pages from the end and said that that part was for next time. Then I had him start working on all the many worksheets he hadn’t done, with questions about the book. At first he persisted. Asking why he couldn’t just read Batman, and how he’d thought that if he did so well on the stupid dog book he could read Batman, and how unfair it was. I tried to console him, saying that he really did have to read the book and do the worksheets. He complained and finally I gave in. We only had about 10 minutes left and I decided to end it early.
“That’s enough for today.” I said after 10 minutes of his complaining about how unfair it was. “Is your dad coming to get you?” I asked him, knowing the answer was probably no.
“No.” He said and he looked small again and I wanted to put my arms around him and comfort him but wouldn’t dare do that. “He says that it’s my fault that I didn’t do the work in school so he shouldn’t have to waste his time on me.” I wanted to cry. What an awful man his father was. I was glad my father wasn’t like that, and that every chance he got he came home to be with his family that he loved. I debated whether of not I should walk him home. I decided that he’d be fine and started leaving with a quick “ok bye”. I was half way out the door when my conscience got a hold of me and I turned around and walked back over to the table and said, “Ok come on, I’ll walk you home.
I wheeled my bike along side of me as he walked on the sidewalk oh the street.
“What’s your family like?” Asked the little boy suddenly; I thought of not responding but decided that I probably should.
“Well, I have a brother, his name is Tony. And I have an adopted sister, her name is Leslie. And then you’ve got my mom who’s really nice, and my dad who’s in New York for work a lot but always tries to come home.” I hoped this wouldn’t make him feel bad since his dad was so awful to him. “What about you?” I asked because I really did want to know.
“It’s just me and my dad.” He said almost sadly. I was shocked, I felt really bad and didn’t want to ask him to continue but he did anyway. “My mom was killed eight months ago. She was trying to stop a mugging. I think that’s why my dad hates me so much, I remind him of her too much.” I wanted to cry. How could this poor little boy be so awfully jaded to the world because of one awful man? “He’s putting me up for foster care. He hates me.” Kevin finished. He seemed smaller then ever when he said this and I just wanted to drop to my knees and comfort him like you do when a little kid falls down.
“No, he probably doesn’t hate you. He’s probably just sad.” I say trying to comfort him. By then we’d reached Kevin’s house and had turned into the driveway. He turned around to look at me with his sad little eyes and his Batman tee shirt.
“No Henry, he hates me.” He said in the smallest, saddest little voice ever and then he turned back around and walked into the house with out another world. I was about to cry. The tears were starting to fill my eyes so suddenly and I was trying so hard to push them away, but they wouldn’t leave. I couldn’t believe that poor, cute, little, Batman loving kid had to go through that every day of his life. I felt awful. I just wanted to go home and tell my mother about the whole story but I knew that I couldn’t because it wasn’t my business, and it wasn’t my place. But I wanted to help him. I had to make this tutoring thing last, I had to connect with him. I had to tell him about Batman. I sighed, this was my biggest secret in the world and I was telling it to a nine-year-old.
I looked back at the house; it was small and brown and seemed to be falling apart. It had little white shutters that were partially falling off their hinges and a stone wall with weeds poking out of small holes. I sighed again and turned around, feeling bad for the kid. I had to find some way to help him, make him happier, give him a family, give him a chance, and give him a life.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Don't Call on Me

I'm in the town's public library right now, watching a frustrated young boy stumble over words while reading a book aloud to his tutor. This poor kid is trying so hard, so I felt like I should write about him.

Don't Call on Me

We all know the feeling of embarrassment, the hot sweat that surfaces on our face as we are called upon, without an answer or an idea of what to say, but for you, these obstacles are the least of your worries. You can speak fluently, because the words in your mind aren't on print, but when faced with a page of text, you tongue flaps around mindlessly, with fragments of sentences occasionally escaping your mouth. Every day must be a secret struggle for you, anxiously crouched in the back of the classroom, the textbook open but the words meaningless, printed on the glossy paper, longing for your name to slip the teacher's mind, so your private challenges won't be revealed to your unforgiving classmates. I can't say that we know how you feel.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

People of Massachusetts

Author's Note: I'm currently in Massachusetts, staying with my aunt and uncle for a few days, and an activity here that I've decided to try is to sit in Starbucks, observe the people of the town East Longmeadow, and create identities for the people surrounding me by writing six to ten sentence short stories and random poems/analyzations. How fun does that sound?!

Untitled (I should just call this boredom.)

I spy you walking and notice that emotions are seldom present on your drained face. Your wife, glowing and perky, carries your daughter, her thick hair blanketing a porcelain face. You grasp the door handle and make your way in, glancing around, scanning the customers. I watch you as your expression hardens, your eyes widen, and your mouth begins to part. Your wife's liveliness begins to fade, as she notices the sparks between you and the quiet woman in the corner. "Honey," she whispers, "do you know her?" I know your answer, and silently urge you not to throw your life away with the words forming on your lips. "Yeah," you say, "I do." You approach her and your eyes meet first, then your hands. She stands up as you cast a look to your former love. "People change," you say, and with that, you walk out the door, her fingers tangled in yours.

I'll write something else tomorrow, but for know, I need to entertain myself. :)