An icy blue pool of depths unknown
An old creaky wooden dock
With boats awaiting you
To take them somewhere
They’d never been before
A cool breeze
Wrapping you up
And taking you away
Delivering you to a place
Unreachable from anywhere else
The small narrow street
That you walk down
It’s like walking back in time
Back to when
You came here as a child
And felt the same breeze as you walked
To the deserted beach
Where you then fell silently
To the depths of the ocean
3 comments:
Good descriptions!
When you say,
"Where you then fell silently
To the depths of the ocean"
do you mean this person is a dead person walking?
Good edits, but it still comes off sounding like the person is drowning. :D Maybe change it to "To the deserted beach/Where you fell silently/Into the depths of the ocean". But the whole "deserted beach" thing is a little spooky. Just rethink your word choice a little bit and you'll be fine. :)
Title, hmm... *scratches head thoughtfully* Breeze? Silence? The Deserted Beach? The Ocean Awaits?
I dunno... take one of your favorite lines from the poem, maybe? That usually works.
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