Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Our World

It’s a world so dark and dreary,
Where everyone grows weary,
Of the pain we take.
The fights we make.

The days behind us filled with sorrow, and with more tears will come tomorrow.
The sky shot black from the previous attack.

Thick clouds of smoke, our world revoked.
The once green grass now part of the past.

Birds no longer sing, bells no more will ring.
It’s become a chaotic circus,
One of insignificant purpose.

So come on! Watch the show.
The end is best.
We all explode.

i wrote this pertty lil poem this year for writing camp. let me know what you think. and if you have any feedback i will gladly accept it [: thanks!!

1 comment:

Maria said...

That was incredible! The ending stanza was so perfect and unexpected.

The rhyme scheme was pretty good but the rhythm was a little awkward in places.

The phrase "our world revoked" is really hard to understand. Do you mean "our world is taken away"? It seems like you may have used "revoked" because you couldn't think of a good word to rhyme with "smoke". How about "our world a joke"? My favorite website for these sticky rhyming situations is Trust me, it'll really help you out.

There's some really great imagery in here. And yes, music does = life.