I don’t know why bad things happen to good people. I have always been really religious but I have never found a satisfactory way to explain this side of God. I don’t think that I can really, especially to people who are feeling real pain over the matter.
“It just sucks. Why did this have to happen? The accident was so so …”
“Unnecessary?” “Yeah so freacking stupid!”
“I know it seems so pointless but theres no way to explain why these things happen. The world just is this way, things just happen.”
“It just sucks… I talked to Ryan today. When he answered the phone the first thing he said was that his mom has been crying for hours and he doesn’t know how to make her stop… All of us are so disoriented, our familly all came over tonight. I ended up cooking diner for everyone. They can’t even function.”
“I’m so sorry Alisa.”
“It just sucks”
What can you say? I could feel that she was asking me for more. Together we had always been ones to help eachother figure out our feelings about things. We would analyze and philosophies every interesting situation in our lives. She’s smart in a different way than I am. She’s has a mathmatical logical way of thinking. She understands signals and the dynamic of different situations in ways that I don’t grasp. I’m the deep one. I have always found some way to bring a deeper meaning or God or purpose into anything. But everything we always talked about had to do with boys and drama, silly stuff. We always just goofed around and pretended that our little problems were so much bigger than they really are. There was never much else to occupy our time and thought. But now, this was bigger than any of it. What was there to talk about? What could you say? I needed something that would help her and make her feel better, but it had to be true and geniun. There really was nothing to say. Just like she kept saying over and over, it all just sucked. What can I do? I’m trying to think to hard of words to say. I hate the awkward silence over the phone. I can hear her crying. I’m just scared. I’ve never heard her cry before. We’ve only been friends for about a year and a half. Even still she went through breakups and fights and some pretty high strung stuff and never cried. She would always just back away. She never looked to us for consulment. She knew all the advice we had to say, all the stuff she had heard before so she didn’t bother with vulnerability. I’m the same way sometimes. I understand her like that. But now she calls me crying. It’s because she knows that I get it. But I can’t help her like she thinks I can. I don’t understand that kind of pain. I’ve never lost someone that I really care about through death. I’ve had people leave me, but that’s something much different. I wonder if its worse when they’re gone by choice because they don’t love you enough, then when they’re gone but you know that they would stay if they had the choice. AT least she wasn’t betrayed. But what do you say? I have never had to wonder why it had to happen. I’ve never had to think of a higher power involved in my loss. I’ve never had to question this kind of purpose. I don’t know this kind of pain. I know her, but not how desperate she feels. I’ve held her hand and walked with her down so many beaten paths of heartache that I have come to know to well. But not this, she’s in a place in her life that I have never been before. That scares me.