Monday, January 7, 2008

If Only I Was Stronger

If only I was stronger,

In however many ways,

Maybe then I wouldn’t be

Such an easy target.

For bullies or strays.

Maybe if I was stronger,

I would find other ways

To find hope and wisdom.

Looking farther than my backyard,

Farther than the mountaintops

I long to grab hold of.

Please let me be stronger,

For I want to be free.

Free of the burdens

I carry with such effort.

Free as the bird which I long to be.

To sing my songs

Without care or fear.

Or fly away when hurt was near.


Maddie said...

omg.......bela that is soooo good. I cant believe how gr8 this is. im glad ur back on this. except for the weird info things in the middle it is great. the poem, its almost as good as caitlins just dont cry.

Bela said...

Thanks Maddie!!!
By the way-what weird info things?
Thanks again!!!

Maddie said...

look at it on the blog. something like a URL is randomly in the middle.

Bela said...

I don't see anything. What line is it on?

Maria said...

The weird "info" stuff Maddie was talking about:

before "Maybe if I was stronger,"

& before "Please let me be stronger."

Maybe it's just some weird HTML formatting stuff that carried over into the post. You can't see it on the comments page (white background) but if you go to the actual blog or post page (black background) you'll see this stuff.

Maria said...

My only comment would be to take out some of the unnecessary periods (i.e. after "target") and you don't always have to use commas if you go to a new line. All that is perfunctory, though. (Ha ha, big word!)

This is really good b/c it's so descriptive and it has so much feeling behind it. Nice job, Bela!

Bela said...

Thanks you guys!!! I still don't see it...but that's ok. I'll fix it later. The commas are really for me though, for when I read it aloud. Or for people reading it to themselves. So that they can read it the way I wrote it. Basically just to know where to pause.I love that you guys like it!!!

Maria said...

Bela, with regards to your comment about comma placement, Lynne Truss has a whole part of her book Eats, Shoots & Leaves about how punctuation evolved. The comma was used as a marking for speakers to know when to take a breath or pause, much like the comma is still used in choral music to indicate when to take a breath.

Now, with all that nerdy comma stuff out of my system... *SIGH*

This has as much feeling as the poem you posted later about being bullied, but this one has a more wistful, regretful tone. The tones you used for each poem really seem to fit.

I'm spending so much time commenting on other people's work I don't know if I'll ever get around to any creative writing of my own! Keep writing!

Bela said...

Thank you so much Maria!!! You're right about the tone, though. I see what you mean. And of course you will still have time to write!!! Keep it up!!!