Thursday, January 10, 2008

CWP- Bela vs. Bri

Hey this is Madeleine
okay, i know this isn't all completely nice. but this is a thing im doing for english. please make comments on whether or not i forgot something, i said something wrong, if this is an A worthy memoir. please remind me 2 of wat everyone looked like on the first day, becuase i can only remember bri's outfit. please, anything with the bri and madeleine drama. bela, read the last paragraph cause i aded more. Maria, Gina, im desperate!!!!!!!!!!!

I walk into this huge room with lots of tables and chairs lined up neatly. About 5 rows high and about fifteen chairs to a table, it looked like the ideal place to scare someone new to this like me. I walked in with this boy Quinn, he seemed quiet compared to everyone else, but I don’t really think either of us knew what to expect. Behind a huge wall reveals about five other people, and old lady who would end up leading us, a strict woman named Justine, and a really nice and relaxed looking man, named Jeff who also would also be in charge. I sit down and wait, watching groups of kids who know each other squeal with excitement, while other kids like me wait.

My brown hair with a lot of golden highlights is pulled back into a ponytail. My flip flops are digging into my toes and my blue eyes are alert, but a little relaxed from being so anxious but even more nervous. I am wearing my favorite blue tee-shirt and blue jean Bermuda shorts. My head is pounding from anticipation as I wait.

Around the corner comes Charlotte and even though we weren’t friends, I was just so happy to see someone I know. She sits next to me and I look around the room. This girl, with blonde hair and a flowery blue colored spaghetti strap shirt, slowly turns towards me and I mouth, “Hi……” She slowly gets up and walks towards me. She sits down next to me and that started our friendship. Slowly as the day progressed, Charlotte, Bri, and I walk towards a table. Close behind us is Kenzie, Caitlin, and Maria and Gina. This was the beginning of a very close group. Caitlin a sophomore, and Maria and Gina who were freshman, sat with the other high schoolers but they talked with us more. Brianne, Charlotte and me started to sit together every day. We sat at the same table at lunch, my table for in that huge room, and the back right row of computers in the computer lab. We were having fun sharing what we knew about writing.

On the third day, we were split into groups. I was with a few girls I didn’t really know but Kenzie was in my group. Brianne, she introduced me to this really nice girl, Bela, who was in her group. The extent of our first conversation was “Hi”…… “Hi” “Hi!” “Hi” “Hhhhhiiiiiii.” As you can see, I didn’t really think that we would be close, I mean those hi’s were kind of awkward. But the next day, she was sitting next to me, her on my right and Bri on my left. Charlotte and Kenzie were always a few seats over. But that also started a huge drama.

Day after day I would wait for Bela if she didn’t have enough candy and needed to buy more, or if she needed to get something. I didn’t mind it and I mean sometimes I was late too. But Brianne, she got so annoyed. There wouldn’t be enough seats in the computer lab for all of us. So instead of splitting up, Bela and I would sit together somewhere else. I had written a poem about Brianne, about her, and the poem said, “Wardrobe is adorable, sometimes stronger than her.” This embodied what she was like. When I first saw her, I thought she was going to be a little rude and very snooty, but she was really just quiet and extremely insecure. I learned this and wrote this seemingly harmless line in her poem. Then someone who was anonymous decided to point out the fact that I thought her clothes made a bolder statement than she did. For like 3 straight days, everyone in the back row on the right of the computer lab, they just kept writing all these things. The thing is, they knew it was true. I apologized though and she forgave me.

That didn’t mean the drama was over though. When Bela and I continued to be extremely close friends, Brianne got even more jealous. She started hitting me, pushing and just saying rude things that eventually made me just not want to be near her. So after a while, Brianne stopped sitting with us, she moved to a different area, she talked with other people and we just started to try and forget her.

On the last few days, Bri started talking to us again. I guess we didn’t want to end it badly, or at least as badly. Bela and I told her it was us who prank called her and things were semi-normal with Bri again.I mean, I still disliked her and so did Bella, but we figured maybe we should be nicer, include her a little, a mean we didn’t need to be best friends, only tolerant of each other. We ended the two week session of the Connecticut Writing Project hugging and laughing and already missing one another. Bela, Noodle and I knew we would keep in touch with hour long phone calls and sleepovers every month, but we were still just sad to end an amazing 2 weeks that felt like four. We will all probably do this again next year, and we probably will all try to stay in the same session, but there isn’t anyone saying, I will be there next year.


Bela said...

Wow Maddie. You hit the nail right on the head here. Loved it!!!
(And the part about me and my candy, you exaggerator!!!) You really captured the true essence of all of us. Great job!!!

Maddie said...

thnx. and im sorry, but u can be a candy addict sometimes. any ideas though, cus i want a really good grade.

Maddie said...

hhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!! this is due on friday the 18th so comments please!!!!!!!!!

Bela said...

Maybe add in a little foreshadowing, some description, you know? Study up on some books and notice what they do. It's really amazing and makes a great addition to a story.

Bela said...

P.S.-Yes, I am a candy addict. But hey, that sugar is good. You can't NOT love it!

Maddie said...

thnx........i'll do it. luv u 2.!!

Gina said...

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOA, girl! When did THIS happen?! Are you telling me I missed a huge tiff that went on under my nose?!?!
Okay, on to my customary nit-picking:

All right, huge set-up at the beginning of the story... I know this is difficult, but you probably should consider cutting out the entire first paragraph because it doesn't contain details that contribute to the Bela vs. Bri element of this story, which seems to be the whole point of this story.

Do you know about direct and indirect characterization? When using direct characterization, an author tells the audience straight out what is happening. This can get a little boring. In indirect characterization, the author uses the character's looks, actions, words, and the reactions of other characters to that character. this lets the reader make inferences as to the character's personality. No offense, but the second paragraph really has nothing to do with the story. From the way I see it, your role in this particular story is to serve as an observer, so what you are wearing is not that important.

Other than that, I'd say just try to change around the way you're saying things because it sounds a bit too "Dear Diary" for a school memoir. The conversation with Bela consisting only of the word "Hi" is great, because the reader would be able to draw the conclusion that Bela isn't the most serious person in the world, without you saying it directly. Also, some of your descriptions of Bri are a bit judgemental. I don't think Maria, Caitlin, and I are very important to the story either...

Well, it's your call. Good luck, and revise! It's the hardest thing to cut something out, but save the parts you remove in a separate place to use in another story. Cheers!

Maddie said... working on it and im trying 2 organize, revise, the whole thing. funny thing is, it actually was about me. the were fighting over me. anyhoo, im gonna work really hard and post an updated one hopefully 2nite. i'll probably add more with the other people and i hope i get a great grade. Luv u guys and thanks for the comments.

Maddie said...

oh and gina, no one really noticed it but me, bela, bri, noodle and charlotte. evry1 else was basically inaware. it started basically when in the computer labs, me and bela sat by ourselves and junk.

Bela said...

Yeah nit-picky Gina!!!
I totally agree! By the way Gina: where were you during all of this? Seriously, you missed a lot. Okay, that's it. But I love it Maddie!!!

Bela said...

OMG!!! I totally forgot!!! I LOVE the last line!!! Rock on!!!

Maddie said...

i know. im in english class right now. im supposed to be working on it right now!!!!!!!!!!
im reading comments instead.

i'm posting an edited one later tonight.

that last line, i just love. it describes in my opinion, how we all want to see each other next year, and we all want to be there, but we are also a little scared that things could change, and maybe we won't be there.

Anonymous said...

Maddie is this a true story?

Maddie said...