Sunday, January 13, 2008

How to Reassemble a Broken Anemic Sting Ray and Other Tales of the Belgian Revolution

As of now, this is unfinished. Keep in mind that I wrote this close to midnight last night in a span of dog-tired inspiration.

First of all, may I start off by saying that you're going to need to wear a lot more protective gear than that flimsy top you have on if you're going to perform this invasive and highly delicate procedure. You wilil have to purchase a 63 1/2 piece cutlery set fro Ron Popeil as well, for drywall-cutting purposes, of course. Remember, when working with parallel electrodes, always make absolutely certain that the cations and anions are lined up correctly in specific proportion to the nearest alphametromagnetic reiteration module. When working with perpendicular electrodes, however, you must do all the following instructions in reverse order, making sure never to use your dominant hand in case there are some hungry phosphorescent gnome-ducks or dragon-trolls around. Without these procedures, the end result of this entire endeavor will look like molten raisins garnished on top of the tenderized remains of a crunchy carmelized warthog. While you're at it, shave some white chocolate into a plaster replica of Monticello, why don't you.


Maria said...

Yay, Gina!

A question mark on the last sentence, perhaps?

Love, love, lovelovelovelove it!

( ;D )

Maddie said...

okay.........i didnt truly understand it but ill be amazed if i can ever write something as confusing and possibly funny.

Bela said...

It's about time someone else posted something! Woo-hoo! You're back!
I loved this! It is completely hilarious, and SO thought provoking!
Keep writing!!!

Gina said...

Thought-provoking, Bela? I just wanted it to be confusing and discombobulating. :D

And now for something completely different: how to not be seen.

Gina said...

Does anyone have any suggestions for trying to write like Lemony Snicket?

Gina said...

You know what they say, Maria: hate IS a strong word (but I really really really don't like you).

Maria said...

I think the rubber chicken says it all.

& don't worry, Gina, I think you have quite a bit of Snicket influence in your writing style already. If you could get in some more Philip Ardagh (Eddie Dickens Trilogy) that would be fabulous too. ("Eddie took a seat. 'PUT THAT SEAT BACK!'")