Sunday, September 14, 2008

Notes to Self

Okay, focus.
Start right, feet together, eyes open.
Ignore the hundreds in the background.
Ignore the slanting rain.
Only look at those three gloved pairs of hands.
Only look at the identically dressed people around you.
Don't mess this part up. They're counting on you for this one.
LEFT right, LEFT right...
Please please don't close that space--
Don't look at him messing up. There's nothing you can fix now.
Don't say a word, even though you want to.
Ignore the guy talking into the tape recorder.
Focus, concentrate on this move, concentrate on not getting hit--
--nine ten eleven twelve MOVE.
...two two three four five six HALT.
Breathe. Breathe.
IN out IN out IN out.
Don't move. Don't flinch. Don't fix it. Stay absolutely still.
The rain is getting harder. Ignore it.
Ignore the sleeves sticking to your forearms.
Left right, left right...
Ignore the one drop on your cheek.
Use your eyes. Don't trust your ears.
Make a beautiful sound... one beautiful sound... make it golden...
Don't rush.
Bigger steps-- watch him in front of you.
Closer, closer...
Watch her toss it, soaked to the point of unrecognition...
Watch her grimace up into the darkness and the rain...
Watch and hope to death she catches it...
Onto the next move...
ONE two three TWO two three THREE two three TURN two three!
Remember everything we fixed today.
Remember to keep watching.
Breathe: IN out IN out IN out
Up two three BREATHE!
Count! Always count!
Small steps small steps...
Hope he remembers the change...
The rain is pouring harder. You're not supposed to notice.
Focus, focus...
LEFT right LEFT right
Soft, louder louderlouderLOUDERLOUDERSTOP!
IN out IN out IN out IN out...


Maria said...

I want to know why this is for Bela....

And you wonder why I'm not in band!

Gina said...

Bela knows why it's for her... I wanted to show her that band isn't just some stupid dorky thing I do. Competitions are serious business, even if we aren't thinking like this throughout the day of a performance. So I thought I would take parts of my half-remembered conscious and subconscious thoughts from the "exhibition" yesterday and present them in a somewhat literal fashion. I hope I conveyed the idea of thinking on several levels at once, any thoughts on that would be helpful.

And Bela, to resume an old argument, I seriously doubt your backpack weighs 20 lbs. My concert euphonium weighs 20 lbs in its hard case. You definitely do not have that much stuff in your bag unless you had a chainmail backpack, which, although admittedly cool, would not be altogether functional. :)

Gina said...

By the way, if it literally DOES weigh 20 lbs, I will retract my statements. And then I will mock you mercilessly for having a freshman backpack without even being a freshman!!!

Maria said...

Haha... freshman. :)

This is distracting me from the actual writing I need to get done....

Bela said...

Oh...I was going to say karate...

So you're a band girl? Fetching. No seriously, I wish I could play an instrument. But, I only play the windpipe.

Actually, it does. I weighed it yesterday, 23 lbs! I have a lot of junk :)

Hmm...who's the real freshman here, band girl? Kidding, kidding. And I am very proud of my froshpack.


Wow, it stuns me how you two have conversations on this blog and yet you live together. Perhaps this must be made public? For my benefit and the benefit of others? Interesting...

Gina said...

I retract my statements.


I am nothing if not a person of my word.

Damn, girl, toss the junk. It's not good for your back or your posture, and if you haven't fixed that broken strap, your cyst could come back because you poor little thing are carrying it on one arm.

Just to let you know, in the past few years either the homecoming king or queen has been a band member. If that's how you measure "fetching-ness." If you define it by political participation, the senior class VP and the junior class President are in band.

Hey, we might as well let the general public in on our conversations, otherwise you wouldn't have nearly as much entertainment in your after-school hours. :)

I don't understand what being in band has to do with me being like a freshman, but okay...

Let me know if this had the cinematic slant that I had hoped for, or if it loses a lot by not having been the one to experience it.


Gina said...

Bela, may I introduce you to something called a locker? You lock stuff in it? You know, so you don't have to carry it, but it won't get stolen or lost?

To quote Stephanie (from CWP last year) Oh is there no hope for the world today, Oh is there no hope for the world today, Oh is there no hope for our world today?

Maria said...

By the way, Bela, we're SOPHMORES. We're done with being "stupid freshmen".

Until college.

Maria said...

What the [insert word of choice here] is in your backpack that it weighs 23 pounds?! You're not supposed to carry more than one tenth of your body weight in your backpack, and if you have suddenly grown to 230+ pounds I will drop dead of pure shock.

Yeah, our (Gina & I) little discourse on here is purely for public benefit.

Enjoy your froshpack!

Maria said...

And Bela, why would she be doing karate in the rain???