Friday, March 7, 2008

One Chance, One Wish

Another day, another mistake.
More tear stains on my clothes,
red eyes cannot be faked.

Hidden in shame,
a face will be recognized.
Another person
we have come to despise.

It has begun.
Fear latches onto me,
gun in hand.
Sleek and smooth is the sound,
the shot heard in my head and heart.

How can life be missed
when life was never lived?
The loss of one loved,
The pain of those who suffer.

If I had one wish,
It would not have happened.
The voice in my head
would not have existed.

If I had one wish,
I would give back what I had taken.
Why not me instead of them?


Gina said...

This is a very psychologically interesting piece... was it hard to write? I would imagine that this would not be easy to write because you had to try to identify with a cold-blooded murderer.

From reading this through twice, I think this is about a killer of multiple people who committed murders because of their schizophrenia, and who has come to regret her (or his) murders, and now thinks that suicide would solve the problem.

For continuity reasons, would it be better just to not rhyme at all? The rhymes in the first two stanzas seem a little forced, and then there aren't any after that.

Also, I don't really understand the second stanza. Is the murderer talking about the society in general hating them, or is she (or he) talking about hating the people she (or he) kills?

I like this poem because it is from a point of view I wouldn't necessarily have expected from you. I was kind of surprised when I scrolled down and saw your name at the bottom, because unlike some other people who went to CWP, you don't usually write the gory stuff. Keep us guessing. :)

Maddie said...

whoa........bela has a dark side. i knew there was a reason that i try to stay on your good side. i mean, come on, your 13th birthday is coming up and u do happen to be jewish... i'm just kidding
i thought that this is really good.

Bela said...

Actually, this all came out naturally. I guess I can just put myself in a person's shoes easily. (Nobody misconstrue that as me saying "I am a cold blooded murderer")

This poem can be interpreted in any way, as can all of my literary works, and I think it's very great that you have so many of your own opinions...I'm the same way.

None of the rhymes are forced, not at all. They all just seemed to fit together. Then the rest of the stanzas just came to be, regardless of rhyming pattern.

In the second stanza, it means that a person will regret what they have done and will be found as guilty, and hated by all of society.

You never really know what you're going to get with me, I suppose. I like being well-rounded in all of my writing. Thanks for your comment!!! It definitely showed me a different perspective entirely of the poem...and I loved it!!!