Thursday, February 28, 2008



this one is for you.
i know somehow heaven can receive the airwaves
from my heart and tears.

shot in the head.
now i scream your name out, as you lay dead.
thoughts drift in the back of my mind.
now i only cry on the inside
as i watch my father's eyes water
as he stands beside a stone.

leave me.
leave us and him.
leave whatever you stood for and had.

nothing's left to discuss.
i write your forgotten love on my arms
praying it will bring you back.

bullet for my love.
bullet for armies across the sea.
never did i think a bullet would take you away from me.

summer days spent by the pool.
now summer nights, winter days spent missing you.
the pool dried up and was replaced with your dried blood.

love never dies.
it takes a long time
to heal.

grandpa blamed himself.
last one you conversed with.
he could have stop you
if he had known.
now everyday he wonders
what he could have done
and who thought this was the fate
you deserved.

last year this time,
i got grandma's crying call
begging for daddy.
i started to cry because
grandma cried.
i handed the phone to daddy.
daddy wept and wept.
i wept as he and i laid in each other's arms.
mom hugged us and rocked us both to sleep.

this year i woke up at five.
this year no one called.

never forgotten.
never understood.
never wanted to.
always remembered.
every day.

daddy cries sometimes.
he hung your hat over his heart.
your cigar box is on his dresser.
sometimes i go and smell them.
they smell like you.

it snowed on your grave.
i have never hated snow so much.

no one gets why
things upset me so.
that's okay.
they never have to get it.
sometimes i just need someone to hold my hand
and tell me to breathe.

you never know how much a person means to you
until they are gone.
you never feel heat until you get burned.

12 tissues per person per cry.
7 siblings left to cry in the snow.
2006 reasons to have kept you alive.
i love you.



Maddie said...

this is good and i got the general idea of it........ but who is this about? check the latest postings here cus they r really good. im so glad ur back. seriously gina and maria will have all these notes for u, noodle will write something seriously short and bela will mention something with crying [she always does]. luv u and hopefully i'll cu this summer.

Gina said...

Hey Caitlin, I saw the original post on your blog. Did you add to it at all?

Your writing is so distinctive- I knew it was your piece before I remembered that you had posted this on your blog. The imagery you use is mind-blowing: "i write your forgotten love on my arms/praying it will bring you back." your emotions come through so strongly, and you never sound clicheed.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I think this poem is about mourning for a relative who committed suicide, or because of the 4th stanza, is it about a relative who was killed in war?

I'm sorry to disappoint Maddie, but I don't have a lot of notes on this one. I do have a question, though, about the 4th stanza, where you say "bullet for my love/bullet for armies across the sea/never did i think a bullet would take you away from me." Is the army reference indicating that the person was a soldier, or is it hinting at something else?

I love this poem, it's so dang sad but it's so truthful. That's what I think comes out in everything you write: the truth as you see it.

Maddie said...

i agree with gina. and do u hav ur own blog?!?!?!?!?!

Bela said...

Wow. This is really deep. Who is it about, exactly? Is it supposed to be speaking for all who have ever felt this kind of pain, or have been in this situation? Or did this happen to you? I really hope not. This is just so amazing, I don't know how to explain it. I cried reading this piece.

Caitlin said...

hey guys!
so many questions. here are the answers.
bela- it was about my uncle. he killed himself a little over a year ago. i cried myself writing it.
maddie- yes i have my own blog.
click on my name then click on my other blog its called electric dreams . as far as this summer coming back, i would love to. i really would. i can't afford it but maybe one day i will come and eat lunch with you guys :]
gina- thank you so much. your comments always seem to be great. <3
i miss you and maria very much.
his name was Kieth. he was a solider years ago and then yes he killed himself.

i love all of you dearly.
im glad to be back.
writing was always a comfort.