Saturday, October 6, 2007

asteroid mind

i've always been that girl with the lopsided crown.
the one who won thrift shop prom queen hands down.
then as the last dance played, i was left under the torn-down streamers.
my dress in shreds, and my heart in need of a neon colored cast,
i walked home in the fog.
i cried and had cupid sew my heart with a silver lining
because i never could get it right.
i always had the right mind, but the wrong idea for these sort of things.
so this is me, the girl with the silver-lined heart desperate
for pink tuxed prom king wearing his converse, who fell where the sidewalk almost ended and in all the chaos of her fall, in the crack of the concrete a small daisy grew.


Gina said...

I love the descriptive language you use here- simple, but specific. Would it be better as a run-on sentence?

No, seriously, that might make it seem more chaotic, which seems to be what you're going for with this piece.

I was amazed by the ending of this poem. That was beautiful- all the world crashing down, and then a daisy. (By the way, thanks for picking a daisy and not a stereotypical rose. It fits better.)

All I can say is... wow... :D

Caitlin said...

aww thanks <3 i will think about it. i love daises.

Maddie said...

OMG caitlin... that was so good. im so happy people are back on blogger for this. btw that was amazing. wow. oh and why wasn't just dont cry in the anthology... that was the one piece i looked for.

Caitlin said...

i dont know :[ i guess i put too stories in and they like picked and choosed? i sent in like four pages worth of stuff.

Ms Wins said...

Hi Caitlin, what a lovely piece of writing. I find such hope in that single daisy! Keep up the good writing. Oh, and by the way, I don't know if you remember, but we said only two pages per person could go into the anthology. (That's one page - both sides or two separate pages.) I don't remember all of your submissions, but if anything was omitted, it was only because of space. Keep posting on the blog! Hope school is going well for you! Fondly, Lynn

Caitlin said...

:D i love ms. wins and how she continues to check up on us. cant wait till next summer!

Maddie said...

i no caitlin. oh well.........hey u should totally post that again.......i luvd it sooooo much

Maria said...

Augh! (or some other such generic scream noise) I can't get over how much I love this poem!!!!!
You have just such great rhythm and word choice!

D'arrgh! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D