i am from smacking a bright
yellow ball over the net(tennis), from
talk about Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantel and
all those other guys, proudly wearing
pinstripes
I am from the warm,k cheesy smell
of pizza as my brother, dad and i
wait for our pizza at the counter of
Pizza Post, of how we always used to
geta slice of pepperoni from the owner
as he and my dad talked about the
latest Yankee news
I am from the trips to Camp Jewel
and Camp Highrock, with the huge lake
filled with salamanders, that always seemed
so easy to catch and put
in little waterbottles
I am from spending days on end
with my cousins during the summer
and Christmas holidays. putting on belly-
laughing plays and songs, and singing Christmas
carols by the warm, crackling fire
I am from stressing over tests and grades,
waiting for school to end so i can finally be free,
rushing through my homework so i can
actually do something fun
I am from the CWP with its spiffy computers
and pages and pages of outstanding writing
just waiting to be read, of how i meet so many
new friends, Charlotte, Veronika, Madeline<333,
Caitlin, Brianne, Bela<333, Noah, Quinn, and so many
others. Of how veronika and i used to steal Carls coffee every
morning
I am from sneaking a bite of cookie dough from the
fridge when no one was looking, savoring the taste
until the last little bit is gone and then going
back to the fridge for just a bit more
I am from piles and piles of books stacked all around
me, escaping to another world with just a turn of a page
escaping, but not that far away from my own
roller coaster of a life
I know, this sucks but wateva, if you have any ideas plzzzz tell.
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The Connecticut Writing Project Young Writers have their own e-anthology of their work. Enjoy!
6 comments:
it does not suck...btw did u really steal carls coffee.....lol. anyhoo, make it be a little more rhymey and fluent and ur set.
It does NOT suck!!! I agree with Maddie, but get a bit more into it. Really show who you are, you know?
But otherwise, I love it!!! Keep up the good work!!!
Hey, Noodle! Great to hear from you this year!
Now, for my trademark constructive criticism (R):
First of all, you titled this "I am Noddle" instead of "I am Noodle".
The first couple of stanzas were excellent, but somewhere around the CWP stanza you seemed to be searching for some sort of idea to keep the poem going. It just seemed a little weak. If you're running out of ideas for subsequent stanzas, you can end the poem. Just cut a couple of the weaker stanzas or tweak them so that they work a little better.
The <3333 things really detract from the flow of the poem, as does the lengthy list of people's names. We all love you, but you don't need to show your <3333 for everyone in the poem.
You say you have a "roller coaster of a life" at the end of the poem, but so far the only negative stuff we have heard about is school stress. Maybe that's okay, and you don't want to pull your happy poem into depressing depths, but I think you should at least consider altering this line, because it doesn't quite fit with your poem.
Thanks for dealing with this obnoxiously long critique! Oh, and you really stole Carl's coffee?? How come I didn't know about this?????
;D (^)
thx guys im not the best at this writing stuff so yeh
Maybe it's a happy rollercoaster, Maria??? I love that CWP gets its own paragraph, hee hee, but is it really as important as all the other stuff? I absolutely ADORE the detail about eating cookie dough out of the fridge, I can totally relate. :D Don't be discouraged, you did a really great job with this!
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