Sunday evening

I HATE IT!

I hate it that you're autistic.

I hate it that you say things I know you don't mean but that still hurt some part of me only revealed by our argument.

I hate that I feel as though I kept the argument going unnecessarily.

I hate that you don't listen to me.

I hate that you only think about yourself.

I hate it that you can never be "normal" around people.
I hate that I feel embarrassed when you act autistic.
I hate it when people act condescending toward you.

I hate it when people say "retarded".
I hate that you have a 75% chance of being retarded in the real sense of the word.

I hate how guilty I feel for arguing with you.
I hate that I'm still crying.

I hate that I'm writing a sappy list poem.
I hate it that it's coming across badly.

I hate how awkward the both of us are.

I hate that nobody from a "typical" family/background understands what it's like to live with an autistic person.
I hate that people don't understand that it's not a mental illness.

I hate your music.

I hate your autistic tendencies- your talking to yourself, your perseverances, your "stims".

I hate that autism has become an integral part of my life.

I hate that I just used the word integral.
I hate that I don't fully know what it means.

I hate my English teacher.

I hate that we're expected to know so much that we can't use.

I hate stupid people.

I hate that I can't watch Madtv for at least a week after one of your parties.

I hate it when people act like they know everything.
I hate that I might come across that way sometimes.

I hate that everyone expects something from me.

I hate busywork.

I hate that you cried too.

I hate that I cried mainly because I thought you would turn it down.
I hate that I cried afterward because I was offended by something you said which you didn't mean.

I hate it that some people are going to judge me or feel sorry for me when they read this.
I hate that this might come across as stereotypical.
I hate that I constantly have to worry about being judged.
I hate that I think about that stuff.

I hate that I only have three hours now.

I hate worthless comments.

I hate people and things that waste time.
I hate that I waste a lot of time.

I hate it when people are better than me.

I hate it that I'm worried about the stupid little things.

I hate it that I want to swear right now.

I hate it that I'm going to start crying again.

I hate people who ask stupid or embarrassing questions.

I hate my empathy sometimes.

I'm sorry.